


Free

by AncientQueen



Category: Madam Secretary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29843580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AncientQueen/pseuds/AncientQueen
Summary: Nadine and Arabelle talk at Vincents grave.
Comments: 8
Kudos: 7





	Free

**Author's Note:**

> I did what I could.

This was the coldest winter in many years, it was freezing. There had been a ton of snow, Washington had turned into a winter wonderland, just in time for the holidays. Despite the cold, it was a beautiful sunday morning, full of sunshine and clear air. The view from her panorama-window had lured her out of the house. Nadine had wrapped herself in her warmest coat, put on her snow boots, hat, a wool scarf and gloves and just went out without having a destination. The city was silent as if in a dream as she walked slowly, carefully, a fall would be unfortunate, her hips and knees hurt enough as it was. She was used to this low, but constant pain, she could still enjoy the unfamiliar atmosphere, breathe in the fresh air, feel the sun on her face. Not even the icy wind bothered her.

Her thoughts roamed, she had to make a decision regarding a man. A very interested man, she liked him, too, but she was not really sure if she was ready for a relationship. 

She thought of the past, of Vincent, of the time they had spent together. The snow brought back memories of their weekend together in Aspen. A political friend had given Vincent the keys for his his vacation home in the mountains. Nadine remembered how exited she had been. In retrospect, those two days had been the highlight of their relationship, and while the memory of the 2 days are now bitter-sweet as best, she still revisited them often, especially when she was lonely and missed Vincent, or more accurately, the version of Vincent she had known back then. They had focused on each other, had been together the whole time, their work seemed far away for a change. Even his wife and Nadine's constant guilt about sleeping with a married man were pushed to the background by the intensity of their love, the blinding snow and the seclusion. There, Nadine got a glimpse of the life she had dreamed of. They had spent hours in bed, having sex and making plans for their future together, after the end of his political career, his divorce, with his new job as a consultant for a major oil company. Nadine had banished the unpleasant question of why he was already counting on this job from her mind. When she had asked him what he had planned for her, he had laughed, "You have worked enough, you will be home to spoil me". Even back then, she had thought that that was a strange statement, as if he didn't know how elementary important her work was to her and how unsuitable she was to be as a homemaker. But he had opened a bottle of champagne and they had made love in front of the fireplace. The warmth that the fire, his touch and the champagne had turned into heat and she had forgotten her irritation. Years later, when Vincent's web of lies collapsed, she had wondered at her own naiveté. But still, despite her current bitterness, that weekend was a fond memory, if only because she remembers her feelings. She is not sure if she will dare again to love and trust someone like that. Maybe Vincent had taken that from her, among so many other things.

As she made her way through the snow, Nadine suddenly knew where she wanted to go. She would go to the cemetery, visit Vincent's grave. She had been a part of planning the ceremony, she knew where he was buried. But after the official ceremony, the burial took place with only the closest family present, she did not belong to this circle, she had no right and it would have been totally inappropriate for her to show up. She had been distraught, desperate and unspeakably sad at that time, her love had been taken from her suddenly and cruelly, and she was not even allowed to mourn in public, not allowed to show her deep sorrow.

Now she thought of Vincent with different feelings. He had taken advantage of her, used her, betrayed her, and he would have thrown her away like an old rag once his presidential campaign would have started. She came to believe that he had had at least one other mistress, a woman whose alias had been Marie Porter, someone in a powerful position with VEVAK. Nadine knew that a woman could manipulate Vincent best when she was in bed with him. She had not done that very often, she just wanted him to be happy. She had been so, so stupid in love. Later, she learned about the extent of his deception, how he had manipulated her, only to instrumentalize her feelings for his own purposes. The pain of finding that out still haunted Nadine. 

Today, no one would be at his grave, it was simply too cold. She could go there, say her final goodbyes, detach herself from him, from her memories. He was part of her past, but shouldn't be part of her present. Nadine walked through the cemetery until she stood at his grave. There was snow on the stone, but she could read his name, his date of death. She felt a sense of loss under a mountain of anger, grief and disappointment. Her longest relationship, first professional, then friendly, then romantic - nothing was left of it but her regret and her fears regarding a new love. His betrayal had devalued their relationship, his memory was threatening her future. The wind blew in her face, she turned, realizing that this place would not give her the answers to the questions that kept her awake at night. 

A woman came towards the grave, she was carrying a bouquet of flowers. When she was close, Nadine recognized Arabelle Marsh. She had already seen her and was seeking eye contact. Nadine thought feverishly about what to say, how to justify her presence at Vincent's grave. Arabelle approached her. "Hello Nadine, I didn't expect to meet you here." Nadine tried her best. "Hello Arabelle, I was just leaving.“ Arabelle studied her face, "how have you been, I was going to call you and offer my condolences but I guess that would have been inappropriate.“ Nadine thought she had misunderstood the other woman. “Ummm," was all she had to contribute. Arabelle raised an eyebrow. "Did you really think I didn't know? I knew it right when Vincent hired you, you being another dark horse. I bet I knew it even before you knew. You were so exactly his type, it was uncanny." Nadine slowly recovered from her first shock. “I don't know what to say, Arabelle. I'm embarrassed and I'm so sorry. I regret all of it." Arabelle nodded at that, not unkindly. "I thought that aside from sleeping with a married man, you had rather high morals, I was counting on you to keep him from becoming corrupt and you did for a long time. Until he found another mistress, who was more eager to fulfill his wants and needs, only far less kind and much more manipulative.“

Nadine gave up trying to avoid this conversation. There was a chance to find closure in this mess. She went for it. "Why didn't you ever say anything,why didn't you confront me, ..or him?“ Arabelle considered it, "Vincent and me, we weren’t a love match. Our families thought we would be a good fit, we had the same social background, it was decided that our union would be mutually beneficial. I found him attractive and thought he would love me. He was good at deception even back then. You were not the first, not the most cunning, not the most audacious of his lovers. In fact, I thought you were smart, educated, had style, and were actually a good person. Vincent was even a little in love with you, in the beginning. I heard that in the way he talked about you, strictly professional, but I knew him well. Then I saw you at a gala dinner and I kinda understood him. You were elegant and really beautiful. Irresistible - especially for a man like Vincent, who had to prove to himself that he could have any woman. You were perfect for him, since your affair had to be a secret. He couldn't get a divorce, it would have destroyed his career - and consequently yours, too." Arabelle rolled her eyes at that. “He never intended to leave me anyway. I was the mother of his children, I’m well connected, my family would have crushed him. And I would never have left him, either, if only for the kids sake. While I hated his job, I liked the benefits, the social status that came with being Mrs. Vincent Marsh. And just that you know, I knew when you and him started sleeping around. He has always changed when he had a new mistress around, he became less demanding in bed, more vanilla, because he was acting out his wilder fantasies with his newest flame. So I knew. I also knew that he probably told you that I wouldn’t sleep with him, that our relationship was over and that he was very lonely in our marriage. Still, he always came home to me. He was the perfect liar.“

Nadine felt her whole body get hot, she blushed hard in her embarrassment. Through clenched teeth she said "I thought he loved me, I believed that you two had grown apart and that he would get a divorce to be with me as soon as his career allowed for it. I fell for his lies like a stupid girl." Arabelle looked down at her with sympathy and compassion. "Nadine, you gave your whole life to further his career and I guess you didn’t even realized how much he used you.“ Nadine had to think about it. "I thought it was our career, our life together that I was working for." 

"Oh Nadine, he had his family, a nice wife, well behaved children, many political and private friends, money, influence, golf - and a beautiful lover at work. He died and now I’m his widow, have my freedom, my social life and lots of money. The so-called Marie Porter, who was probably his last mistress, may got 40 million out of it. Or a promotion. But you? You worked up to 90 hours while he was out playing golf, you were always alone, waiting for a call, a smile, a confirmation that you were special to him. And he kept you waiting. In the end, what was left for you? I guess nothing, except anger, grief, and a tarnished reputation. Oh, and your life, if only coincidentally, probably because he'd rather wanted to be with another woman that weekend. I actually think that you deserved better, even if - frankly - you fucked my husband.“ 

Nadine realized that tears had frozen on her cheeks, she was so shaken that she hadn't even realized she was crying. Arabelle saw the tears, too. "I'm sorry, I know I say cruel things, but this is my truth. I could have warned you, but the wife doesn't warn the mistress, that is not how it works. I must confess that I found you very competent in working for his career and covering up his scandals. For most, I wasn't even angry with you, I was angry with Vincent.“

Nadine took a deep breath, their conversation had weighed heavily on her, but she also felt better, at least all the secrets were out now. "Thank you for your open words. But I'm getting cold, I want to go home.“ Arabelle nodded, "me, too. I just have to leave the flowers here, so I can then tell the children that I brought them to his grave. They don't know what kind of person he was, I want to keep it that way.“ In that moment, Nadine felt the pain and grief in the other woman. Maybe things hadn’t been as easy for Arabelle as she wants her to believe. 

After she had placed the bouquet on the grave, they walked back through the snow, kinda peacefully. When Nadine struggled over a slippery spot, Arabelle hooked her arm in hers for stability. Nadine let it happen, they walked together, joined like friends. In a way, it was fitting, they went through the same hurt feelings, betrayal and grief, not together, but over the same man. When they reached the street, Arabelle turned to her, "I wish you some beautiful days over Christmas, I also hope you don't have to spend them alone like you had to in the past. Nadine, I really wish you all the best. Please be careful, don’t fall on the way home.“ Nadine answered in kind, “have a merry christmas with your family and the kids. I wish you all the best, too. I’m sorry things were the way they were." They smiled at each other and parted ways. 

Nadine slowly made her way back to her condo. She wanted a hot shower, a glass of wine, and some time to process what had been said. But there was one thing she wanted to do right away. She took her phone out of her pocket, dialed a number. 

“Hi Mike, I’ve made my decision, I’ll go on date with you."

...

"Yeah, tonight would be great. I’m free.“


End file.
